Run 2 Freedom.

Greetings world,

I'm sitting here in my home office, watching an episode of the Biggest Loser and crying my eyes out as I have done a lot over the last few weeks. At this point I don't know that many will see this post but I am now making a public declaration of my intent to become a big loser as well. While I haven't made a decision regarding the show itself I have decided that it's time to make my health a priority. I welcome your prayers, encouragement and support as I embark on this journey, my own run to freedom.

Along those lines I will soon be using facebook and twitter along with a new website where I can post regular updates and encourage others to join the journey for freedom as well. I will update here when that move happens as this post or a very similar one will likely become the first post in the blog on that site which will primarily be devoted to my journey.

As mentioned I do see this as a run to freedom and I recognize that it will mean freedom in more ways than one. With all that is within me I believe this is a spiritual battle for me. It's a battle for my heart and soul, not just my weight. I believe my weight is a symptom of how I have felt about myself and I cannot be the person God created me to be when I carry around the weight that I am.

I have set an end goal for where I want to reach and a target date to reach it. That date is May 19, 2013. That means it's a 29 month goal. I do have it broken down into smaller segments with planned celebrations when hitting levels along the way.

Knowing that this is a new journey that requires a lifestyle change makes it a daunting task that I cannot do alone. It is a spiritual battle, a battle for life and freedom, I see myself making the needed lifestyle changes and walking out of this battle in 29 months a new person, a smaller body but a bigger person walking confidently into all that God has ordained for me. Knowing I can't do it alone I ask for your support, your encouragement, and your prayers.

"Into marvelous light I'm running, out of darkness, out of shame."
My dead heart now is beating, my deepest stains now clean. Your breath fills up my lungs. Now I'm free. Now I'm free."

Eric

His Grace is enough.

Today is a new day. It must be as I'm writing a blog again. It's only been 14 months. I'm not even sure where to start today. So much has seemingly been going on in the last 10 days. So there are two thoughts that were running through my head since last night that I could and should probably write about.

As we sang the words, "remember your children, remember your promises, o God..." I was struck with the thought - what promises am I asking God to remember? And God began to speak. I should have had an ipad to blog right away but I don't. What promises God? Not the generic promises that everyone can claim. Those are good to - but what promises are mine? Or at least even if the promise is the same what is the application in my life?

The conversation in my head echoes back to a conversation of a few days ago that turned my world upside down or maybe just brought me down to where I needed to be - a place I haven't been for a while and not sure I wanted to be. Remember your children. Remember your promises O God.

Am I hearing right. Is this going to work? What are the details? If I'm seeing the end correctly what are the details to be filled in to get from where I am to where I'm going... to where God is leading me. What obstacles are going to come up and how am I going to get around them, overcome them, beat them? Am I going to win this time? Or am I staring another failed attempt straight in the eye? Remember your child... Remember your promises...

Who will run this race with me? If it truly is the spiritual battle I believe it to be then to embark on this new journey or direction will bring hatred and attacks of the enemy. How am I going to handle that? Am I ready to face them alone? Or am I really not alone? Who is there with me?Remember your child... Remember your promises...

And then...

My grace is enough. My grace is enough. My grace is enough... for you.
His grace is enough. His grace is enough. His grace is enough... for me.
Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough. Your grace is enough... for me.

God gives grace to the humble and opposes the proud. What does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. God desires a broken and contrite heart because that is the heart he can use.

More to come,
Eric

Multiple levels of relationships

So here is the question. How does a person seperate friendship from business? Let me expand on that. There are times in the course of a business that a leader or manager may have to confront and potentially even release an employee who may be a friend, whether the friendship was in place before or happened during the work relationship. Another aspect of this may be friendships that are formed crossline shall we say - or with peers in other departments but then leadership eliminates a position sending a "friend" away in the process.

When this happens, how does a person in a mgmt. role work through their feelings of hurt over seeing a friend hurt and possibly even moving on and still support the organization and leadership, even if, and maybe especially if they don't agree with the decision that was made?

No answers today - only questions. Answers or thoughts are welcome.

Be blessed,
Eric

Leadership is for the dogs (somedays)

Last winter/spring I used this forum to vent about not having and wondering why I can't find anyone who is as passionate and loyal to the cause and purpose we are working for as I am. The response I got from a Pastor friend who saw it... that's why you're the leader. End of story.

Well, I'm tired of being the leader. I don't want to be the leader right now. Someone else should be sitting in the office at 9:23 pm waiting for our speaker to arrive. But I'm here, on my day off, working my 8 hours and likely more. Why? Because nobody else saw the need or was willing to step up and fill it if they did see it.

And lest you think I'm complaining about 8 hours of work - only when I'm supposed to have the day off. Generally 8 hours is a short day - at least during summer, which is now almost over.

My mantra has been for my department that the work must get done. Frankly, I'm tired of the work not getting done. Or is it just not getting done to my level of expectation? And if that is the case it then raises the question for me as to whether or not my expectations are realistic? But should they be? Or do they need to be? My desire is to be faithful to God and to bless His children. I'm not sure that happens by lowering expectations.

I feel like I'm mostly rambling on this one and probably not making much sense but I think my last rant tonight is that I feel like my pouring out my life for the cause, for the work has neglible results. Does it really make a difference? Does anyone care that I have done this? Does anyone know? If I bring it up will they write it off to me being a workaholic and not to put that expectation on them. Or will someone say thanks - you went above and beyond and for that we are grateful. We see it and we appreciate it.

And lastly - does it matter if anyone sees it or not? Does it matter if it is appreciated? I think probably not. I should do it for the joy of serving and because it's right, not because I'll get kudos for it.

So work for the cause, tirelessly and until the work is done because it is our joy to serve God's children. It is our joy because to serve God's children is to serve God and to point people toward Him everyday. So I will be here as long as it takes tonight and tomorrow night and the next because it is my joy to serve.

Blessings,
Eric

Balance

Summer is here. And in my line of work that means the hours go up. Now, the excitement level, the ministry opportunities, and the intangible rewards also increase. However, going into this time of year also means that once again (I do this periodically) I wonder about balance. Do I work the 80 hour weeks and know I'm doing ministry? Hopefully being a part of people's lives being changed and transformed by God's love and grace. That is kind of what I've always done. It may well be why not only am I still single at 37 but I've never even been in a dating relationship. It's kind of hard to have a social life when you work like I have worked. So it begs the question of balance. What is the balance between living and working? Especially when working is not just a paycheck to live but ministry that touches peoples lives regularly.

I'm also guessing that balance promotes a healthier person and perspective, that it would allow me to not only have a social life but it would help me learn to "live" not just do good work, and it would help prevent burnout thus extending my opportunities to do ministry.

But I'm not so good at balance. And as it usually does when I'm thinking of balance the lyrics from an old Steven Curtis Chapman song keep running through my mind. The song is "My Turn Now" and it basically says that Jesus came to give his life away and now it's my turn. So does that mean I just give my everything to the ministry, allow myself to burn out, then after leaving, recover and move on? Knowing that this process may end up with not recovering at some point? Or is there a way to "give my life away" and still have balance?

These are the thoughts running through my head as I head into another summer and I see the hours increasing.

Eric

Passion

I'm really starting to think it will be an impossible task to find someone who is as passionate about the work we do as I am. And because I can't find a person who is that passionate, who is willing to lay it all on the line, who will do whatever is asked and more, who will not only do what is asked but seek to anticipate the need before it is asked and take the initiative to get started, because I can't find a person like this I think I will continue to be disappointed in the work or lack of that I see getting done.

Looking for passion,
Eric

Oops!

Last post - wrong blog. LOL